It was Sunday evening, I sat on my couch watching Netflix and enjoying a frosty mug of beer. That's when I heard a ringing from the kitchen counter. It was the cellphone I used for business, so I hopped up and answered on the double.
"Jake's Locksmithing and Security System Installation, Jake speaking."
"Hi Jake, it's Bob." It was my brother, who lived out in the suburbs. But why was he calling me on the work phone?
"Hey bro, what's up?"
"Well..." Bob started. "This is a bit embarrassing, normally I'm good with keeping track of keys... I really screwed up this time, Jake, I'm really in a pickle."
"It's alright, Bob, I'm sure I can help you out." I replied reassuringly. "Are you and Sylvia locked out of the house?"
"No, thankfully not."
"Your car or truck?"
"No."
"Gun safe?"
"No, uh..." Bob paused for a second. "It's... it's something I need to get open right away and it needs to stay on the down low. I'd rather explain it in person."
"Okay, I'll get my tools and I can be there in fifteen minutes."
"Thanks, Jake, you're a lifesaver."
***
I parked my truck in front of Bob and Sylvia's house, a two story McMansion with a well-manicured lawn and the white picket fence so stereotypical of Suburbia. I grabbed the backpack I kept my tools in out of the back seat and went to ring the doorbell. Bob answered the door in his boxers and a tank-top.
"Thanks for coming, bro, come on in."
"So, what's the big emergency?" I asked.
"With the kids staying with the grandparents over the weekend, we decided to spice things up in the bedroom... try something kinky."
I raised an eyebrow. "What did you do, handcuff Sylvia to the headboard or something?"
"Well no, but we might try that next weekend..."
I rolled my eyes. "Yo, Christian Grey, focus here."
"Sorry," Bob turned and called up the stairs. "Honey, come on down. Jake's here."
"Hi Jake." Sylvia said nervously as she came downstairs in her pink, floral-print bathrobe. Her curly red hair was a mess.
I asked, "Okay, so what seems to be the trouble here?"
I was taken a back when she brushed her robe back below the sash, revealing the stainless steel chastity belt clamped around her pelvis. It had a cutesy, heart-shaped padlock on it. I could have sworn it almost looked like the one Maid Marion was wearing in Robin Hood: Men In Tights.
"We bought it off Amazon last week," Bob explained. "A friend at the club said it would be fun to try, it was supposed to make the sex that much more satisfying."
I smiled and nodded. Ladies and gentlemen, the undisputed king of TMI.
"But then the keys went missing." Bob continued. "I was running around the house like a madman looking for them before I gave up and called you. Sylvia's folks will be bringing Hayden and Kaylee back in about an hour, and I'd rather not be in the awkward position of having to explain any of this... to the kids, or her parents."
I took out my penlight and examined the lock. I shined the light into the keyhole and then rubbed my chin.
"Looks like just a standard cylinder lock, this should be purely routine."
"Thanks, Jake." Sylvia said. She glared at Bob in annoyance. "Some days, I wonder if I married the wrong brother."
My lips couldn't help but curl into a smirk. I set my bag on the coffee table and got out my tension wrench and pick set.
"Anyway, if you'll hold still for a moment, I'll see if I can get it to pop open with a quick raking."
I insert the tension wrench at the top of the keyhole, applying slight pressure with my thumb. I took the rake tool from my pick set and tried it in the lock; with the crappier, cheaply made cylinder locks, that was usually all it took to make them open. Sadly, it wasn't so simple a matter with this one.
"Okay, looks like this one's gonna be a bit more stubborn than the norm. Don't worry, we'll still get it to open."
"Hurry, Jake." Sylvia pleaded. "This damned thing's starting to chafe."
"Relax," I said. "I'm just going to have to manipulate the pins individually."
I put back the rake and got out the hook. I slid it into the lock, all the way to the back pin. With tension on the wrench, I carefully picked at the pin until I heard it click. I smiled.
"One down, three to go." I said.
I moved the hook into position for the next pin. It barely took a second for it to click.
"Halfway there, just two more."
I started on the third pin, but then Sylvia sneezed and bent forward. I heard an ominous SNAP! and pulled out my pick to find the tip had broken off inside the lock.
"Shit..."
"Sorry, Jake, I..."
I sighed and then waved a hand. I then took a moment to give the padlock another look. The shackle on it was roughly 10 millimeters thick.
"Well, under the circumstances, I may have to use a less gentle method of persuasion."
Bob and Sylvia exchanged glances as I reached into my backpack. I pulled out my bolt-cutters. I looked at Sylvia.
"Hold still, this'll take less than a second."
I got the shackle in the jaws of the bolt-cutters and put all my upper body strength into the cut. Sylvia flinched. There was a surprisingly loud pop as they sheared through the metal and the lock body fell off onto the floor. I slid the shackle out of the chastity belt and helped Sylvia unlatch it. Bob had clearly put it on her a little too tight. She took the belt off and handed it and the lock to him.
"Stash this in my underwear drawer for right now." She told him. As he dutifully went up the stairs, she closed her robe and took a seat on the couch. She glanced at the clock on the wall by the bookshelves.
"Forty-five minutes to spare, that wasn't so bad." Sylvia said twirling her hair. "Thanks again, Jake."
"Not a problem." I said, gathering my tools back in my bag. "I'll e-mail Bob the bill in the morning, have a nice night."