Part 2: A Brave Girl
I cycled home feeling very confused and strange. The fabric of my riding pants rubbed against my sore butt giving me a constant reminder of what just happened. That night I hardly slept and did not know if I would obey my instructor.
The next day I was very absent minded and clumsy. Luckily I managed not to draw the attention to this. My mind was racing. What will I do? What will happen if I go? What will happen if I do not go! Towards the end of the day I noticed I started to feel a growing feeling of curiosity about my upcoming adventure and even more about the behaviour of my instructor yesterday. Why would Joan do this? Which lesson does she want to teach me? I thought to myself. I gathered courage and decided I wanted to find out why she had treated me like this.
So at the last light of the day I paddled towards her house which is located just outside of town. I parked my bike halfway up her driveway and then reluctantly walked towards the front door. In front of the door stood a metal box and pinned to the door was a note with my name on it. It read:
Susan,
If you want to meet me for your next lesson follow these instructions. If not go back home. Strip naked and put all your belongings in the box. Put the collar which is in the box on your neck. Then lock the box with the open padlock which is inside the box. Your Instructor, Joan
I do not know how long I stood looking at this note, thinking what to do, and why Joan chose to treat me like this. So many questions. And only two choices; Obeying or disobeying. I do not know what made me decide to obey. But I started to undress and then with trembling hands took the shiny black leather collar and put it around my neck quickly. Then still quickly, before I could change my mind stuffed my clothes in the box and locked it.
Standing naked and vulnerable at Joan’s door step made my mouth go dry. No where to go but forward I thought and with a strange air of courage I rang the door bell. I managed to stand tall and kept my hands at my side and did not cover my breasts and sex as was my reflex. 'Chin up, chest out' I said to myself. That is what Joan always tells us when we are riding I recalled.
She takes her time, but then I hear heels clicking. The door opens and my instructor’s gaze meets mine. "You are a brave girl Susan", Joan says. "Stand still please".
I automatically obey and quickly Joan attaches a leash to my collar and pulls me inside. "Do not speak", she snaps!
She turns me around and pulls my arms crossed behind my back and wraps the leash swiftly twice around my wrists and then attaches the end to my collar. I am caught by surprise by this and the fact that I allowed this to happen to me.
"Shhh!", Joan says, as I start to protest, "remember do not speak! You need to think. Think about why you came here. Why you did what you just did and why you need punishment. Stay here and think until I come back for you". She walks away and turns off the light in the hallway. I am left alone in the dark.
I start hyperventilating and my whole body is shaking. Panicking I struggle with my bonds. But I cannot get enough slack in the leash to free my wrists and I only manage to half choke myself by pulling at the collar. "Think, don’t speak", I mutter to myself. I have to admit the questions Joan confronted me with are crucial. What in the hell made me decide to obey such instructions.
Why would an eighteen year old girl undress and present herself naked at her horse riding instructor’s door step? Why did I allow myself to be leashed and bound like this? I sigh and sit down at the bottom of the stairs. Why do I need punishment? I rest my head on my knees and sit and think. Sitting like this I feel as if I am coming to my destiny and a strange calmness enters my mind. Feelings hidden deep inside me emerge. Feelings about myself, about Joan and about this helpless and embarrassing state I am in….
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07.01.14
story continues in Horse Riding Discipline 3: Initiation
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