January 18
Dear Abby
My wife has agreed to abide by your advice on a disagreement we’ve been having for a few days. Our son and his wife married about eighteen months ago and they live in an apartment not too far from here. We see them often and up until about two weeks ago, had a close relationship.
That unhappy night my wife and I were driving home at about 11 PM. My wife suggested that we drop by and say hello to Tom and Janice (our son and daughter-in-law). I thought it was too late, but she insisted, so we parked and went in. My wife didn’t stop to knock or anything; she just opened the door and walked into the apartment. There we saw Tom laying on the davenport with his head in Janice’s lap. Tom was nude and he was tied up and gagged. Janice was playing with him in a most intimate way and he was clearly enjoying it very much.
My wife was horrified, and before I could stop her, she said something like, "That is the most disgusting, sick thing I have ever seen. You two should be ashamed." Then we left.
Since then we haven’t seen or spoken to our son or his wife. They can tell when we’re calling because they have caller I.D., so they don’t answer the phone. I think we owe them an apology. My wife says that they should apologize to us for putting on such a perverted display. We have both agreed to abide by your advice.
Unhappy father.
Dear Unhappy:
First, I hope your son and his wife have learned to lock the door when they are having a private moment. Second, I am shocked that your wife would walk directly into their apartment without knocking, and possibly not calling first to alert your son and his wife to your intentions. It is never acceptable to just walk in on someone, even close family.
As for the display you witnessed, I have talked to a number of experts over the years, and all agree that consenting adults often play bondage games. As long as the activity is consensual and nobody is being hurt, almost all agree that bondage can be a pleasant, fun way to spice up a marriage.
So, it is up to you and your wife to make
peace with your son and his wife, to assure them that you were wrong to
barge in unannounced, and to apologize for your comments. Let them enjoy
their sex life anyway they wish. You might try it yourself.
March 4
Dear Abby,
The other day I was in the kitchen fixing breakfast. Our son, Jimmy, who is about five years old, walked in, looked up at me, and asked, "Why is Daddy all tied up?"
My husband and I had been playing one of our bondage games, and I had tied him up right after Jimmy went to bed the night before. Randy had been bound and gagged all night, something that we do often and which he very much enjoys. I had left him while I fixed breakfast, and had forgotten to lock the bedroom door. Jimmy apparently walked in and found his father still trussed up on the bed.
I tried to explain that his father and I were playing a game that some adults play, and that his daddy wasn’t being hurt, but was still playing the game.
Jimmy went on to ask what the black thing was that covered his father’s mouth. I told him that it is called a gag, and that gags keep people from talking. Jimmy wanted to go back and look again, but I said that he should sit down and eat. While he ate, I went to the bedroom and untied Randy.
Now we have two problems. First, Jimmy wants us to tie him up so he can be like his father (he idolizes his father and they do many things together). Second, we are afraid of what Jimmy might say at school or to the neighbors. What should we do?
Up-tight mother
Dear Up-tight Mother,
First of all, I do not recommend parents
tying up their children. Explain that there are some things adults do that
children must not do. Second, you and your husband should together talk
about what happened, and that some things that go on within the family
are not topics for discussion with others. Give some examples like parents
having an argument, money issues, things parents say about other friends
and relatives, and so on. Next, don’t forget that lock on the bedroom door.
If your son continues to show an interest in bondage he’ll find a way to
get tied up sooner or later.
May 22
Dear Abby
My girlfriend and I have been living together for over a year – we plan to get married as soon as I graduate from college. Our sex life has been exciting and fulfilling. To add interest, once a week one of us gets Alex Comfort’s book, The Joy of Sex, and selects some activity described there. We alternate weeks, and this has worked well. But last week it was her turn and she suggested something called "goldfish." For this activity both partners are tied up and gagged by a third party. Then they spend some time trying to have sex somewhere.
Abby, I objected. I thought it sounded crazy. My fiancée said that she had already talked to a close friend about it (a girlfriend of hers) and she said she would be happy to bind us, gag us, and monitor us to be sure we didn’t get into trouble. I’m not a prude Abby, but this sounds risky. I said I would agree to whatever you recommend.
Unbound
Dear Unbound,
There are some questions you should ask
yourself. First, do you trust your fiancée? If so, do you trust
her friend? If you do in both cases, then the three of you should sit down
and establish the rules, boundaries and limits. Then you should go for
it. I think you’ll enjoy the sensation, the frustration, and the pleasure
of this bondage game. Good luck.
July 29
Dear Abby,
My wife and I are deep into the bondage life-style. As it has turned out, she is dominant and I am submissive, so I spend many hours trussed up and gagged. Sometimes I’m in a straitjacket; other times in a rubber sleep sack. She always gags me.
The good news is that I love it. But the bad news is I never know how long she will keep me once she has me bound up and gagged. I like being tied up, but she gets carried away. I’ve been tied up for forty-eight hours and longer on occasion. Once she tied me up on Friday right after work, called me in sick on Monday, and kept me tightly trussed up until time to go to work on Tuesday. I could hardly walk after being restrained for so long.
How can I tell her that I love being bound, but to be a bit more reasonable?
Stiff and Sore
Dear Stiff and Sore,
It’s clear that you aren’t as much a masochist as your wife is a dominant and maybe even a sadist. Of course, long ago you should have negotiated limits. On the other hand, limits change, and she might be testing to see just how far you could go.
Try to talk to her about the problem frankly,
setting limits or safe words (or sounds) before she ties you up the next
time. But remember, once you are bound and gagged, there isn’t much you
can do. If you let her tie you up, you have to be prepared to face whatever
consequences she dictates. Don’t complain (as if you could while you’re
gagged) if you get more than you bargain for. You put new meaning in the
phrase ‘sleep tight.’
September 18
Dear Abby,
My wife and I were into bondage long before we married. It is something we both enjoy very much. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had her tied and gagged – how many different positions and ways we’ve enjoyed this part of our sex life. At least once a week she spends the night trussed up in bed with me holding her. We’ve gone to motels, and I’ve even taken her to restaurants with her hands tied, hidden by her coat, of course.
Now, all of a sudden, she wants to turn the tables and tie me up. Abby, I’ve never been tied up in my life, and the thought doesn’t appeal to me at all. I’ve tried to explain that I think we should leave well enough alone. What do you think?
Frightened
Dear Frightened,
Relax fellow. Take a deep breath and let
her have her way with you. It might turn out to be a wonderful experience
for you as well as for her. One caution, however – if you’ve tied her up
as much as you say, be sure she doesn’t try to catch up all at once. You
might find yourself into something you can’t talk your way out of. Otherwise,
enjoy.
November 10
Dear Abby
I’m fifty-six and now depend on viagra to keep my sex life alive and well. It works great, and for my money is the wonder drug of the age. My wife agrees. But the other night something happened that bothers me. Right after I took my little blue pill, my wife suggested that we play a bondage game. In short order she had me nude, spread-eagled on the bed, and gagged with many wraps of duct tape. It was great, and I lay there eagerly anticipating great bondage sex.
But my wife had other ideas. She lay next to me, also nude, rubbing and caressing my body, finally paying considerable attention to my very erect penis and balls. But that was all she did – she caressed me, stroked me, teased me, and generally taunted me with her hands and mouth. She kept me bound that way all night, never bringing me to climax. It was most frustrating. Finally the next morning she released me, still unsatisfied.
I want to know if using viagra and not reaching climax is a problem. I don’t want to suffer any permanent damage.
Still Horny
Dear Still
I don’t think you need to worry. Many times
men are erect and don’t reach climax. It’s part of the game. Women know
even more about not ‘getting there.’ Take your lumps, and the next time,
hope for the best. By the way, I like your wife’s style.
November 15
Dear Abby,
I am engaged to the most wonderful girl and we plan to be married in a few months. Meanwhile, as she comes from a very conservative family, we have agreed to postpone sex until after the ceremony – for our honeymoon. I am fine with this, but she now has a request. She has moved into the small apartment where we will live after we are married, and she says she’s lonesome there alone. She wants me to move in with her, secretly. But still no sex. We would sleep together in the same bed each night. I argue that I don’t think that’s possible, but she has a solution. She says I should be bound and gagged each night.
Then we can sleep together. I should wear a firm jockstrap covered by a Speedo swim suit so that there is no way I can have sex, and the gag is to keep me from talking her into something we both know we shouldn’t do. That way we can cuddle and enjoy each other for the next few months until we are legally married.
Abby, I’m not sure about all this. I’ve never been tied up, and think it a bit odd. My fiancée says there’s no problem at all and she’s already bought some wrist and ankle cuffs, a harness and a leather gag. She thinks we can do it, and is unhappy that I am reluctant. What do you think?
Hesitant
Dear Hesitant,
I can see where you might have some misgivings about your fiancée’s plan. Spending every night trussed up and gagged for a few months might get old after a while. On the other hand, you might like it. I think you should go for it. If you find it objectionable, you can move back out until the wedding. You may like it. The only drawback will be if she insists on continuing the process after you are married. I predict there is some chance that may happen. Good luck.
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08.07.02