Part 3: The Attempt
When the door first closed on her, Annie took a deep breath and tried to relax. She was rather convinced she wouldn't be able to free herself, so she prepared to wait for Kristine to start the bargain about freedom. As time slowly passed she started to experience the physical aspects of being bound. She could hardly move at all, and she wasn't even interested in trying. She could move her fingers, but her wrists were well secured and the rest of her arms felt like they were welded to her body. She was completely immobile.
After what seemed like eternally she started to get bored. She couldn't do anything and she was still left alone. She wondered if it was supposed to be that way. What was the fun of tying a girl up if you didn't take advantage of the situation? Why was she lying in the bathroom? The thought troubled her. Why didn't Kristine and Marie make fun of her as she failed in getting free? Didn't they care? Now Annie was really getting annoyed. She knew she was good looking, with a quite sexy body. Here she had offered herself to her lesbian friends, naked, and bound and they didn't even look at her. Were they having fun with each other? Where they ignoring her just to deny her her value, to reduce her from being someone to being nothing but tied up, helpless and left. As Annie planned the event she had definitely planned on being the main attraction for the evening. She had expected Kristine and Marie to look at her struggle, to comment on her, to play with her. To pay her attention.
Slowly Annie was starting to realise that she had counted on being the main event of the evening. She had expected her friends to appreciate her sacrifice and to give her a whole new experience. Being the dominant and charismatic person she was, Annie had taken it for granted that her friends would do nothing that didn't include her. In her thoughts they would have given her all she wanted from them, but didn't want to ask for. Suddenly she realised she wasn't in the centre of things. She wasn't important to their having fun. They didn't care about her. She was on her own.
She almost panicked. In her mind she started to see Kristine and Marie going out, heading for some hot night clubs, not paying a thought to the bound Annie. She was just about to lose control when the door suddenly opened. She could her someone coming in, turning the light switch. She felt great relief. Her friends had just been teasing her and now they came to end the game. She started to think of something to say when they removed the gag, some smart comment to conceal how upset she had been by their treatment.
But no one touched her. She could hear someone using the toilet, flushing, washing her hands and drying them. Then she heard the light switch being turned and she realised she was ignored, about to be left again. She started to scream like frenzy through her gag, but was scared at how little sound came out. There was a moment of silence, before she heard Marie’s voice amused and completely free from compassion:
- You are bound helpless. Your will does not count. You still haven’t got that, have you?
With a short laugh she closed the door and left Annie in the dark silence. Annie was hit by the simple truth in Marie’s words. She was helpless. In a rage she started to struggle against her bonds. She twisted as wildly as she could, tugging the ropes, her fingers groping in the air, searching for the knots. She screamed and fought, tossing her bound head, jerking her cinched body. She wouldn't have fought wilder if her life was at stake. Her body started to ache, sweat started to pour and pain spread trough her every muscle. She kept fighting until she nearly passed out by exhaustion, then she rested for a few moments and then started anew. She didn't know for how long her struggle lasted but at the end of it her will was completely broken, her resistance ruined and her energy gone. She laid on the edge of unconsciousness, panting. Then the realisation crept over her. She couldn't get free even if she wanted. It was no game, it was reality.
For the first time in her adult life she couldn't manage herself. Terrified she realised how important the power was in her life, how little was left when the world wasn't reacting to her will. She realised that when she was not doing anything, she was no one. She had developed the ability to do things so much that she had forgot how to be something. In that instant she understood why she hadn't slowed down in her life: she didn't dare. If her relations didn't work, she didn't analyse why, she immediately got involved in a new one. Being the boss of herself and others, had kept her running, doing, achieving. At work she ran in circles around the others, always coming up with a new idea, always nursing a new project. She wanted to impress everyone all the time. Once she thought it was because she was good, but now she was convinced it was because she was afraid that anyone should think she wasn't good enough. All she ever did was to score because she was afraid of people’s judgement if she didn't. Better let them judge what I do, than what I am. She was afraid of losing, of not being loved. Therefore she went hunting for respect...
This was too much. How could this bee? She had only been bound for what? An hour? Two? And already she had lost her view of life. Just because she couldn't get free, was unable to control herself. The problem as she saw it, was that she was a doer. She did things. That was her way of life. Now she was not just bound and helpless, she was reduced to nothing. The fear of the truth in her thoughts made her cry. The blindfold keeping her tears from running, she laid sobbing in the dark, afraid to be left there useless forever.
After a short while the door opened.
- Look, said Kristine softly, isn't she lovely? See how her muscles have all given up. Her body is completely still, yielding to the ropes.
- For once she isn't going anywhere, Marie agreed.
- When I see her like that, inactive and humble, I think I could love her.
- Do you think she is ready?
- No, let’s leave her yet another while.
- OK, but I'm starting to long for her being next to us.
- We'll get her later.
The door closed again. Annie had almost kept her breath to her what they had to say, but not a word of her release. She had wanted to plead to them, to cry through her gag, but she had a feeling they would have ignored her. All she could do was to wait in passiveness.
Slowly her mind started working again. That's how Kristine had planned it all. She knew Annie and knew she always had to do things, had to go places. That's why she hadn't had Annie try to get free in front of them. That's why she hadn't forced Annie to do anything, but lie there, unable to move. Kristine had planned that from the beginning! The thought hit Annie in a flash. She was both disturbed at Kristine’s deep knowledge about her person, and curious as to how the evening was to proceed.
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06.07.09