So when was my first time?
That all depends on whether you mean by myself or with someone else. I have already documented my experiments with stockings as a teenage girl. This developed into self-bondage using belts and ropes. The internet helped me develop these skills as I got older and more information and web sites came online. But when was the first time I revealed my addiction to a someone else and let them tie me up. That is the question I am going to answer.
I was 16. I had had a couple of boyfriends and had been sexually active for about a year. I was careful, even though I started a little early, and my partners were all boyfriends. I think I only had one ‘one night stand’ at this point and that was a disaster I prefer not to remember. I had only really dated boys, but I was aware I was not opposed to girls as such, but at that time, boys tended to do it for me. That was about to change.
I was moving from secondary school to Sixth Form College. I had decided to change schools as the girl’s school I was at did not have the subjects available at A-Level that I wanted: Art, Maths, English literature and Media Studies. So I settled on a dedicated sixth form college in the next town down the road. A few of my friends went with me but we mostly studied different things so I guess I felt a little lonely for the first few weeks.
It was one day in the library that things changed. They had IT equipment in there and I was working on a report on the first few chapters of Hardy’s Far from the Madding Crowd. God I hated that book, but I had tried hard to do a good job. I had sent it to the printer but it was empty. I went to the desk and that’s where I met Samantha. I didn’t know it at the time but she had only been working as a library assistant a few months having finished her A-Levels at this very college. She was a pretty, petite girl with very straight blond hair and a lovely smile. I approached the desk and asked for some paper. The girl smiled impishly and pulled a stack of sheets form under the desk I reached out to take the paper but she pulled her hand back a little.
“Say please!”
Taken about, I was about to say something indignant, but something in her tone and that devilish curl of her lips made me realise she was teasing. I smiled back and tried to look suitably reproached.
“I’m sorry. Could I please have the paper?”
She smiled. “Better!” She said. “Let me see that dragon and then you can have the paper.”
She was referring to a pendant I had bought in Manchester, a pewter dragon with a small topaz for the eye. I was very fond of it. I hadn’t realised my top was so low it would show, but she had spotted it. I leaned forwards and she leaned closer to examine it.
She stared intently at the pendant, for a little longer than necessary and murmured something under her breath, which I thought sounded like ‘lovely’. I suddenly realised she was also admiring my cleavage and I blushed and straightened, embarrassed. I was not used to attention and the fact it was a girl was a bit of a surprise but I found I was not at all freaked by her gender.
I think I muttered something inane and then grabbed the paper and fled back to the printer.
Over the next few days I seemed to find all kinds of excuses to ask questions about the girl in the library, which was how I found out her name, and the fact that Samantha only worked at the college on Tuesdays and Thursdays as she was studying at Manchester Metropolitan.
At first I was not even sure why I was drawn to Sam, but I could not deny the pull. I started to find reasons to make my way down to the library. I managed to have a few faltering conversations with her, and she always seemed pleased to see me. We shared an interest in fantasy and horror. She introduced me to an a few authors I had not heard of and we swapped emails so we could discuss books.
That was when it really began I think; with emails. You can be different in written words than spoken, I was less shy, more open. We traded histories, we chatted about all kinds of things and it was to Sam that I finally admitted my self-bondage addiction. She was curious, non-judgemental and completely cool with it. From that point on it seemed to drop back into conversations at all kinds of moments. Just small flirtatious comments she would make. She had her own flat which was the coolest thing I could imagine, she had a flatmate but she was hardly ever there as she had all but moved in with her boyfriend. Sam was pretty giving in our exchanges and I learned she had had both male and female partners in the past.
I was feeling a lot more settled at college. I had made some new friends and was managing to hang onto a couple of my old friends. I had had a couple of dates but nothing serious. I had a fairly major crush on my English teacher but he was married so I tried to push that aside although Sam teased me about it often. Sam knew everything, she only had to ask and I would pour out my heart.
She sometimes asked questions about my self-bondage, I think part of her was fascinated, and part of her was concerned I would do myself harm. I assured her I knew what I was doing. She did come round but was always curious to know what I had done, or planned to do. To be honest, all I ever really did back then was tie my ankles and knees, do a loose tie on my wrists in front of me and masturbate. I almost always wore stockings as they seemed integral to the sensations I felt. I sometimes stuffed my mouth with socks but it was all I could manage in a house full of family members. A few times she dropped hints into the conversation that she might be okay with me using her flat if I needed more privacy. But it was never really said out loud as such. But I knew the offer was potentially there.
I am not sure I recognised what I felt for Sam as anything other than friendship although I was hungry for her emails and loved seeing her in college. We sometimes had coffee together, and we had been to a couple of concerts. I knew she was very special to me, and I think I knew she fancied me, although I am not sure I would have admitted it at the time.
Just before Christmas of that first semester at college I had met up with Sam for what had become our regular Tuesday lunch in the refectory. She had a mischievous smile on her face as we ate, and then she asked if I would like to go Christmas shopping after college on Friday and then head to the Apollo to see the Cranberries in concert. I loved their music at the time and was thrilled, especially when Sam said it was her treat. I was worried about coming home too late I was still only sixteen at the time, Sam assured me I could stay at hers. My parents were a little sceptical at first but I had always been a pretty honest girl, never caused any trouble so they trusted me. Although my mum did insist on calling Sam on the phone to confirm I was being truthful. It irked, but I was so excited at having a sleepover at Sam’s and doing really mature stuff that I was just desperate for it to be okay. In fact my mum so liked Sam that I was allowed to go for the whole weekend so long as I was back for Sunday dinner.
I was totally thrilled all week and had a small bag packed by Wednesday night. I was not expecting anything at the time, just a friendly night out with my new best friend. Although, maybe deep down I knew there was a possibility. I remember all my clothes choices were aiming for ‘mature sexy’. I had purchases a really nice suspender belt in Manchester a few weeks before and I took two pairs of sheer black stockings. I think I had Sam’s hinted at offer in the back of my head as I remember standing in the middle of my room debating whether to put in my coils of rope or not. In the end, I did, and stuffed four leather belts into the very bottom of the bag too.
Friday dragged, but after my last class I rushed home and got my case. Mum and dad were still at work so I wrote out a note with Sam’s mobile number underneath. I dived in the shower, shaved my legs and spent a good half an hour straightening my deep red hair. I had already decided I wanted to look my best for shopping and the concert.
Late shopping in Manchester was going to be great fun, but I wanted to wear something simple that I could slip on and off in changing rooms, so I selected a black jersey dress. It was probably a bit short for winter time, but cold rarely bothered me and the jersey would stand being taken on and off a few times without creasing badly. I am not quite sure why but I decided to wear my stockings and suspenders. Maybe some part of me was hoping for something, but at the time I think I just wanted to feel adult and sexy. I finished off the ensemble with a pair of black heels that lifted me a couple of inches taller than my normal five foot three. I admired my reflection. Not too shabby!
I slipped on my Dana Scully style overcoat and then I was out, locking the door and heading for the train station. I was supposed to meet Sam at Oxford Road station at five. I ended up being about half an hour early so I sat on the curve of concrete that swept down from the station to the main road and waited.
I didn’t have to wait too long. Sam came sauntering down the street with a few of her uni friends. They chatted and laughed and looked so grown up. I suddenly felt like a child, out of my depth. But Sam smiled as she saw me, I slid down of the wall and she gave me a warm hug.
“Guys, this is Sarah, Sarah this is Katie, Jess and Tom.”
I smiled and said hello and it was polite smiles all round. Jess in particular seemed very interested in me and she kept glancing my way as we chatted.”
“Sarah,” She purred, “nice to meet you at last.” She reached up and stroked my head.
“Your hair is gorgeous. I would die to have that colour.”
Tom laughed. “You do ‘dye’ to get that colour.”
I was pretty sure from the way Tom held himself that he was probably gay. But they all seemed really nice. I was a little dismayed to find out that Jess and Tom were coming into town to shop with us. I guess I was a bit jealous and self-conscious so, in my usual way I went very quiet and withdrawn.
After a little browsing in shops, we decided to get dinner so we headed to the food court. Tom and Jess had gone to find a table in the food court, and Sam grabbed me by the arm
“Okay chuckles,” she said. Staring at me intently, “are you okay?”
I nodded mutely.
She pursed her lips. “Hmm. I think maybe I have upset you in some way. Come on, tell me what it is.”
I shrugged unable to express my feelings. She could sense my discomfort and she sighed.
“Ah, is it Tom and Jess, did you think it was going to be just us?”
I nodded again and looked down at the floor, embarrassed.
Sam nodded again. “I thought as much. I’m sorry, I wasn’t expecting them to tag along either. But they’re going after dinner, then you are all mine for the weekend. Okay?”
Those words were like a shock through me. Then I knew. I liked Sam, I really liked Sam, it was not love, it was lust. I could not articulate what I wanted to happen, but I felt charged with electricity, I was so horny at that moment and I think I wanted her to kiss me. I turned away blushing and then Tom was waving us to a free table and the moment was passed.
The food was okay, burgers, chips. Sure enough, Tom and Jess waved their goodbyes. Jess whispered something into Sam’s ear which made Sam flush and glance my way. I knew they were talking about me. What had Sam told them?
I was relieved when they left and we shopped a little more. Then we walked the half mile to her flat and dropped of my bag. We had a quick drink and then we were back out to the Apollo arena and the concert. That all seems blurry now, I remember drinking some cider and singing loudly to ‘Zombie’ and ‘Linger’. I remember the taxi ride back to her flat.
I had only had a couple of drinks but I was a little tipsy. Sam seemed totally fine and we were both buzzing after the concert. She put on some music and provided bags of crisps and bottles of Pepsi and we sat and chatted a little. I was so tense, Sam took a shower and I sat in her room staring at posters dominated by the red Hot Chilli Peppers, Bllink-182 and Rage Against the Machine. When she came back she was dressed in a simple black vest top and panties with a loosely belted dressing gown which didn’t hide much. She plonked herself on the couch next to me and sipped her drink.
“So, what shall we do now?”
I was not sure what she meant. A thousand thought ran through my head. I remembered her comments about me self-tying here if I wanted to, but there was this undercurrent. I fancied my friend and it was kind of scary and exciting. I think she liked me too. I remembered how she started at my cleavage that first day, and how she play flirted in her emails. But what was real? What did she want?
I just smiled and sipped my Pepsi. Sam looked at me and tilted her head.
“What is it?”
I didn’t know what to say. I was literally lost for words. Sam seemed to understand something of my dilemma.
“Okay Sarah, I am going to make this easy on you. I like you. Quite a lot. I has a few ideas of how things might go tonight. Want to hear?”
I flushed hotly and just nodded.
“Okay, well, we could have a few more drinks, snuggle and see what happens.”
I stared into her eyes as she spoke, trapped like a tiny creature cornered by a predator. She smiled at my expression and continued.
“Or… I could tie you up and see where we go from there…”
I think my jaw must have dropped open and my face burned because Sam laughed at my expression and grinned.
“Option two it is then.”
I started to sputter some kind of denial but she just pressed a finger to my lips.
“I know you want this; if I am wrong, tell me now.”
I looked at her, and said nothing. I bit my lower lip and whispered.
“I would love to be tied up.”
Then she kissed me. It was soft, and gentle and I melted. She led my by the hand to the bedroom and I sat down shaking with giddy excitement. By the side of the bed was a plastic bag which she tipped out onto the bed. Coils of rope, she had been prepared for this. Oh my god this is going to happen… I was unbelievably aroused and excited, my heart was pounding in my chest and my lips tingled form the kiss.
She sorted the ropes which were in small bundles of various sizes.
“I know what you have told me in your emails, and I have... a little experience… so it should be fine, but if you are uncomfortable, or I do something you don’t like. You must say something to me. Like a safe word. How about…” She paused a second thinking, “Code Red”
I nodded. “Code red.”
“Okay. Now... Do you trust me?”
I nodded again.
“I need to hear you say it, Sarah.”
“I trust you, Sam.”
She hugged me, and kissed my cheek. “Okay, let’s begin”
How can I explain what it felt like? I always got excited when I tied myself up, I always imagined it was someone else. But having Sam do it, not knowing what she had planned for sure… it was amazing and terrifying and so, so erotic. She made me stand up and peel off my dress.
“Oh my.” She murmured, “dressed for the occasion.”
Then she was pulling my hands behind my back and wrapping rope around them. Either she had done this before or she had done a lot of homework as she know how to tie, doubling the rope to make a larks head and making sure the coils were even, the moment she cinched the ropes off was amazing. I was squirming with arousal. I had never been so aroused without any sexual contact before but I was moaning and gasping. Then she pushed me back onto the bed and bound my ankles together in the same way. Oh God it felt so good. I still had my heels on and she surprised me by using the excess rope to tie them onto my feet before knotting the ankle tie fully. That was different.
Now I was helpless, but she wasn’t finished. I had been very honest with her about what turned me on in our emails and so she knew what to do. She deftly bound my knees together tightly and as I felt her start I closed my eyes, my chest heaving… Oh fuck this was more intense than I could ever have imagined. The cinching was divine, the tightening, the knowledge that I was not getting out without her help…. I was hers and oh my God it was good. I was moaning over and over…
“Oh God… Oh God…”
She pushed my legs onto the bed and then she was beside me, stroking me, kissing my shoulders and neck. I was incredibly turned on, every touch was like a jolt of arousal, I wasn’t sure how much more I could stand and I yearned for orgasm, I tried to rub my thighs together, but she had me bound tightly and with my hands behind my back I could not reach anywhere.
She opened her dressing gown and let it fall to the floor and she peeled off her top to reveal to lovely breasts, smaller than mine but a lovely shape. She straddled me, her thighs next to mine and she leaned forwards her breasts resting on my own. Her eyes met mine and she gave me this look of total avarice and lust.
“Mine.” She murmured. And all I could do was nod.
Then her lips were on mine and her hands were pulling down the cups of my bra and I was writhing and squirming. When her lips encircled a nipple I thought I was going to explode and as she sucked gently on it, I could feel my orgasm dancing around elusively, it was close, but I needed to be touched down there, without it I couldn’t achieve what I wanted… my hips were rocking back and forth with a will of their own humping the air behind her backside, and she laughed.
“My God, Sarah, you are a horny little slut.”
I could not take it, her words pushed me over and I screamed far too loudly.
“Oh God please fuck me Sam, please please!!”
She had never heard me swear and I rarely used profanity in my emails, she sat back astonished, then laughed shuffled down pinning my legs. She traced a finger over my thigh, and I squirmed, begging her… trying to slide closer to that finger. She smiled a wicked grin and then she was sliding her thumb between my thighs, cupping my pubic mound and pressing down on my clitoris. That was all I needed and my hips convulsed once, twice and I was coming so hard I was all but screaming. I felt her moving, and her mouth found mine. We kissed as I rode out the orgasm. It seemed to last for ages, but as I came to I was aware of being cradled in Sam’s arms, her cheek pressed to mine.
I lay there for some time in stunned but blissful aftershock. I had never felt anything as intense, I had had orgasms before of course but this was of another order altogether, far more intense. And I was still bound, but now the ropes felt like a safety net, comforting, and keeping my snug and safe. I sighed happily and started at Sam who looked back at me with a warm, tender look.
And that was my first time.
But not my last.
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16.02.13