Part Four Chapter Fifteen – Fooling Myself
Just because I could get an orgasm from a woman didn’t make me a lesbian or even feel like one. My mind didn’t thrill to the idea of sex with another woman, even if my body felt something. Maybe that would be a good thing because it would hurt me less emotionally in the end to be used that way, but so far it hadn’t been good at all. Despite the gag and arm-binder I eventually fell into an exhausted sleep and once again was awakened by Sarah. She had a bundle of black rubber in one hand and a bottle of what looked like shampoo in the other. The bottle turned out to be sex lube.
She quickly removed the arm binder but made no move to remove the gag. My mouth felt terrible. My jaw was agony, my face was totally covered in cold sticky drool and my tongue felt like a dried out bath sponge.
“Put this on,” Sarah said, handing me the rubber bundle.
I tried to take it from her but my arms wouldn’t respond. They weren’t even at the burning with pain stage.
“Sorry Mistress, my arms won’t move,” I said through the gag.
Sarah sighed and moved around behind me to remove the gag, which was the most incredible relief. Thinking about what I’d learned I threw myself to the floor and started worshipping her feet – or rather her stiletto heeled boots – with licks and kisses from the sore and stiff tongue. My lips had cracked and were bleeding. I could only guess how much of a mess I looked because my bum was still on fire and my pussy felt like it had been rubbed with a cheese grater. As for my nipples, they hurt but they felt really weird, alternating hot and cold, or like random electric shocks. It was substantial pain but not agony and I was inured to it.
Sarah made no move to stop me so I began working my way up her legs towards her sex. She was wearing open crotch rubber leggings that disappeared up into a short rubber skirt that revealed more than it covered up, and seemed to exist merely as a fashion accessory for the tan coloured rubber blouse she was wearing. The blouse was tailored as if it was made of silk or something similar, with ruffles around a plunging cleavage that accentuated her ample breasts.
Once I reached up to her crotch I set about it with a gusto that surprised even me. I kept telling myself that not only was Sarah a goddess from whom all life and joy flowed, but that her sex was the very fountain of delight. I told myself that her juices were the most wonderful liquid in the world and that I wished for nothing more than a taste of them. I had to get myself into the part and make myself really believe it. I had to feel it from the heart or I would never be able to sell it once she started whipping me, torturing my nipples, or shaking my guts out with that mains powered vibrator.
“Apparently, leaving you bound and gagged has improved your attitude considerably. I need to remember that. Now you’ve started you may as well keep going, see if you can finish me off.”
“Mistress. Mistress. Thank you. I’ve been longing to worship your pussy. I’m so glad you whipped me. I wish I could have thanked you earlier. If Mistress sees fit to treat this uninvited outburst as another transgression I shall be glad, for I need to tell you how thankful I am for every lesson.” I paused, sighed, panting heavily, deliberately making myself hyperventilate so my head felt light. “Mistress. I need to… So badly. So…”
Sarah let out a sigh of her own. Her breathing was definitely hot and heavy too. I got back to work with my lips and my tongue. I almost didn’t care where I went on her body, I worshipped whatever I could reach while on my knees with equal ferocity, and though most of my time went into her sex I spent my effort everywhere. I had myself so fired up with synthetic passion that I felt a kind of twisted joy in serving her with such abandon and there was a weird sense of release in it.
When Sarah began to moan and twist I felt such happiness at my achievement, all the sweeter after my previous failure and the cost of them. When she knotted her hands in my hair and jammed my face forcibly into her crotch, her orgasm was only moments away and I almost felt it too.
A distant part of me was ashamed at what she had so easily turned me into, but every rational part of my being reminded me that I could not become what she wanted then something far more terrible awaited me. No matter what they did to me, no matter how they ruined me, no matter what they took from me, I had to keep hold of the hope that only life can bring. I had to survive.
Sarah pulled me to my feet and kissed me hard. It was not what I had expected and there was an invasive intimacy from it. I reminded myself that this was a special gift from her, something incredibly rare and precious and I should not waste a moment of it. I opened my mouth wide to her and she did not seem to care that I must taste of her own sex. She tasted sweet, or at least not as foul and bitter as the inside of my mouth had become.
I wanted her to invade every part of me, to search me and find within no trace of reluctance or disgust, only my total eager, willing submission and an unquenchable thirst for more of her. That I was so dirty, messy and smelly, and she was so clean made it easier to build her up into something that I desired to be close to. My arms were starting to regain some life, burning so badly that it made me want to cry out, but I turned it into a prayer to her.
“Mistress! Mistress! Mistress!” I screamed, trying to channel the pain.
She petted me, smoothing back my hair from my face.
“Good girl. Good girl. You can relax now. I knew that you were hiding that hungry slut inside you. Doesn’t it feel better to let her out? Isn’t it better to let the real you take over instead of pretending you can hold things back? You will not be allowed self-control. It is an insult that will be punished.”
“Yes Mistress. Thank you Mistress,” I managed to gasp.
“Stay still.”
I obeyed of course. Standing there as she walked over to her pile of things. She turned back to me holding a short fat battery vibrator in one hand and a belt in the other. She gave a grin as her fingers twisted the base and it buzzed into life.
With practiced ease she slipped the vibrator inside me. I was wet and slippery inside despite the swollen and painful state of my pussy. Yes, slut was probably a good name for me. No point fighting that, I would only hurt myself struggling against their plan for me. I had to embrace it. If they wanted me to be a slut I would be one. I would be utterly wanton, debauched without conscience. I would try to show it in every action so that they could see what they had made of me. I moaned demonstratively as she slipped the vibrator into me.
“Oh, thank you Mistress.”
“Don’t you dare let it fall out.”
Then she tightened the belt around my waist. There was a broad strap hanging down at the front. She pulled it through my legs, up between my bum cheeks, yanked it tight with a mean tug and the buckled it to the belt, trapping the vibrator inside me. The strap was broad and though it narrowed between my legs it still cut into me and made me spread my legs somewhat.
I didn’t explore what it felt like to be plugged that way. The reality didn’t matter: it would only hold me back. Instead I told myself how good it felt to be filled and how hot it was making me. I reminded myself that a slut like me would be unable to resist such delights for long and that I would soon be weak at the knees and quivering with desperation to have my need for more orgasms and more Mistress Sarah fulfilled. I didn’t have to do much work to come up with this idea because Sarah was lecturing me along the same lines.
“A slut always loves to be plugged with a nice big vibrator. All the better if she’s helpless to remove it. Now I want you to make yourself cum. Take the clamps off your nipples and knead your breasts for me. I know they’re not much, but do what you can to offer them to me. Make me want you. Make me want to whip those little tits until they’re red with welts and your nipples are twice the size. That’s where I’m going to put the five strokes you earned earlier. Why don’t you earn some more so I can turn them into purple swollen globes the size of grapefruit?”
I filled my mind with her instructions, trying not to think of how it might hurt if I removed the clamps. Oddly, it didn’t at first, and then when it did I had to shout out to bury the pain.
“Mistress! Please! Whip my filthy slut tits! Oh! Oh! Oh!”
I sighed and shuddered as the pain subsided a little. The vibrator was still buzzing away and had me a little worked up, which was helping me through the pain in my breasts and my arms. It seemed the more I worked my nipples the higher I got and the less I felt any of it, and so I had no trouble following Mistress Sarah’s instructions. There was still no way I could get a nipple into my mouth though.
“Good girl. Good girl. You’re doing wonderfully.”
She stepped closer and then kissed me again, hard, and she hugged me so I could hardly breathe and smothered me with kisses until I was seeing spots. I guess she knew ten times what I’d ever learned about breath control – ten times, more like a hundred – but I was thankful for it. I reminded myself I adored it. This was heaven.
“Now. Yes now… Make yourself cum,” she whispered to me.
How could I do that with the belt covering my sex? No. It didn’t matter. If she willed it I would cum.
I turned my attention to my nipples. They were tender and sensitive right then, and I made the most of it. I used every trick I knew. I held my breath, I stared at Mistress Sarah longingly and tried to imagine her hands on me, binding me tight in some new way, or brutally invading my most private places. I sank to my knees. I was feeling wobbly for several reasons already, and kneeling with my knees spread wide helped stop the strap cutting into me. Even better, I found that I could use my weight on my sex to give me all kinds of new sensations, even making the vibrator move inside me.
I don’t know if the orgasm that came was real or imagined, but I put everything into it, moaning and screaming my pain and relief. When I was done I felt her hands on my head, stroking and petting me like a dog. How happy it made me feel to be treated like a beloved pet.
“Good girl. You did so well that time. You really made me want you.”
“Thank you Mistress. I’m so happy I could please you.”
“I think you actually might be. Anyway, we are on a schedule today so there isn’t time to play around too much. It’s time for you to get cleaned up. You’re disgusting. I’ve licked assholes that tasted better than your mouth and you stink like an old gym bag.”
“I’m sorry Mistress.”
She continued talking while she removed the belt and vibrator, which I reminded myself that I missed. I couldn’t wait for it to fill me up again. Without it I was so in need of things to fill me up.
Chapter Sixteen – Dressing for Dinner
She used a hose to wash me down, first with hot, then with freezing cold water, enjoying spraying my most sensitive spots. Then she locked my ankle cuffs together with a padlock so I could barely move my feet and cuffed my hands together in front. Then she unlocked my chain.
“Use the shower to clean yourself up properly. Make sure you do a good job of your hair, and then clean your teeth and use the strong mouthwash. You’ll find the things you need in the little cupboard. You may even use the toilet. If you need to shit I suggest you do it now because you will not get another chance for a while.”
I followed her instructions while she stood watching me. I couldn’t wash myself properly with my hands cuffed but I did my best. I reminded myself that I was very lucky to get so much attention from my Mistress and I must remember to thank her. When I was done I crawled up to her and smothered her feet in kisses. She gave a cold laugh.
“Your nasty hairy cunt may be acceptable to a man but I it’s horrible to lick. Have you ever waxed it before?”
“Sorry Mistress, only partially.”
“Never mind slut.”
She had already prepared the wax while I was in the shower, but it took a few attempts to get the majority of the hair off. I would say it was painful, but compared to the rest of my day it was nothing. She used tweezers to pull out the remaining hairs one by one until I was completely bald down there. Afterwards she rubbed in a copious amount of antiseptic numbing cream, taking away nearly all the sting.
“Well done slut. You have a special outfit for today, and if you are pleasing enough I will let you keep it on until we’re done with your regular punishments. I want you to smother yourself in lube and put it on. If you’re quick there’ll still be time for you to get some refreshment before we have to get started.”
She re-fastened my ankle to the floor – this time with a longer run of chain – and removed my other bondage. I made a point of enjoying smothering myself in the lubricant gel. I made quite a display of it, making sure Mistress Sarah could see as I slid my hands up towards my crotch or massaged my breasts again. It made the welts on my bum sting fiercely, but my mistress must have intended that so I would enjoy that too. Once I was good and slippery I shook out the rubber bundle.
It was a one-piece cat-suit made of thick black rubber. It wasn’t terribly stretchy, though it did have some stretch. Sarah had already run the chain through the suit leg so she didn’t have to unlock me so I could dress. It gripped me far more tightly and completely than anything I’d worn before. Just getting it up my legs was as painful as the waxing. It ripped out many hairs and I wasn’t exactly hairy there to begin with. There was no crotch, just a cut-out that squeezed my pussy lips and anus so that they poked out through it. The body had shoulder zips and the thick rubber was incredibly difficult to get on. Sarah had to help me frequently. The first time she had to do it she said, “Five more strokes for being unable to dress yourself.”
Eventually I got my arms into the sleeves and she helped me pull them into place. My breasts poked out through two cut-out holes that squeezed them at the base, making them swell and darken. I was made very aware of them in a way I decided that I liked even though they quickly started to ache. I had so many aches it was just one more but it was it was impossible to forget about the erotic nature of my breasts while wearing the suit.
Once my hands popped completely from the ends of the sleeves Sarah helped me with the shoulder zips and the suit totally enveloped me in its grip. It squeezed and displayed my sexual attributes perfectly but was uncomfortable. The thick rubber did not move easily and it pinched when I bent my arms or legs. With the shoulders zipped up the body felt a little short and my spine felt compressed. Due to the tight fit and the crotch opening, the tops of the legs felt as if they were cutting into my sore and swollen pussy producing a pain that I knew would only get worse as irritation turned into sores and blisters.
Sarah came up behind me, pressing her breasts into my back. I couldn’t sense anything apart from their warmth through the suit. She grabbed my nipples and twisted them, making me squeal in pain.
“Thank you Mistress,” I whispered when she released her grip.
“Now for your mask.”
The mask was made from rubber almost as thick as the suit. I had a moment of panic as she pulled it into place over my face from behind. I was relieved to find there were holes for my eyes, nose and mouth. She gathered up my hair at the top and then zipped it closed. There were some straps and buckles to fasten that made the hood grip my head even tighter and formed a tight collar. My neck felt constricted in a way that added another aspect to the suit that would be hard to forget or ignore.
“That’s much better. You look so pretty in your hood. With the rest of your outfit it’s really lovely.”
She reached around from behind me, caressing my breasts, squeezing herself against me. I could feel the heat of her breath even through the thick rubber. She stepped around and kissed me, turning my head with her hand. Her hair made a golden halo around my vision while her lips were soft against mine.
“No time to play now though. Such a pity. You look perfect.”
She walked over to the pile of equipment. I turned my gaze away, looking straight forward again. She wrapped something around my waist, like a broad belt, no… It was a corset that cupped the top of my hips and reached to just underneath my breasts. She zipped it closed at the front. It squeezed my waist firmly and I thought that would be the end of it, but then it began to gradually tighten. She had to be pulling on laces at the back. Once it had a solid grip on me she stopped tightening and there was the sound of another zip. While my waist felt compressed the most obvious thing was how stiff it made me feel. There was some kind of boning in it that prevented me from twisting or bending side to side. It also made me push my chest forward.
“The corset is leather, not rubber. It doesn’t have much give but that means I can’t over-tighten it without making it very painful. It’s not really a waist training corset anyway, just something to give you a delicious shape and such a feminine posture. You really look hot right now, so sexy, such a perfect slut. Don’t you think so?”
She spun me so I faced the big mirror. I was looking at an anonymous female figure in black rubber. Big eyes stared out of a black rubber hood that barely revealed a human face. My lips, just like my sex were squeezed out by the rubber, forced into an unnatural pout I hadn’t even noticed before. I was so small and dark next to her, with my bare feet, my black rubber and my black hair. With my artificially compressed waist I looked like some strange and exotic toy. It made sense of course: that’s what I was to her. I reminded myself that toys must entertain or they may be thrown away or broken for fun.
My breasts looked terrible, like two little purple bags or deflated balloons. I couldn’t imagine why anyone would want to see anything quite so horrid. My sex looked worse. With the swelling and bruising it was a purple and black mass of lumps. It looked even worse than it felt, much worse, like it had gone rotten with gangrene or something. I knew it couldn’t really be that bad but the sight shocked me. I gasped, sickened at what had been done to me. It hurt, at times it hurt a lot, but it didn’t feel anything like as bad as it looked.
I felt her clip something to the back of my neck. My arms were pulled behind me and cuffed together somehow. Then came more cuffs just above my elbows, pulling them together, pushing my chest out, distorting my posture so that I pushed my breasts out and forward, nipples erect and pointing.
“This is a basic arm-binder. Two sets of cuffs on a strap that hangs from your collar, nothing like as much fun as the sleeve. Some have straps to squeeze your arms together properly but this one is quite loose. You can’t see it, but there’s quite a gap between your elbows right now.”
After pulling my arms this way and that, forcing me to feel the restrictions she’d placed on me, she fetched something else from the pile of ‘toys’, and reaching around from behind me fastened a heavy rubber blindfold over my eyes. She snapped it in place with press-studs that were part of the mask. Inside it was heavily padded and pressed firmly into my eye sockets, excluding almost any trace of light. I couldn’t see anything other than a tiny blurred part of my nose – or rather the rubber mask covering it – and that only occasionally. It was done so quickly I hardly had time to realise what she was doing until I was in darkness.
She unlocked my ankle chain and dragged me somewhere, holding me up by the strap at the back of my neck, half throttling me. I wasn’t trying to resist, but I stumbled and it felt as if she was holding me up. If she hadn’t saved me I would have fallen on my face.
“Careful slut. Now sit down here, there is a chair behind you.”
I sank awkwardly, unable to feel the chair behind me until the last moment. I was very glad of her guidance because the corset and arm-binder made it a much harder task than you might imagine. With my arms restrained and the blindfold she could safely leave me unattended in the apartment without any worries about me making a run for it. I couldn’t run anywhere like this. I couldn’t even crawl. I could shuffle along on my knees perhaps, but where to?
The atmosphere was warm, humid, and the acoustics echoed slightly, though not as much as the bathroom. I sat motionless on the chair, afraid to move so much as a muscle without being told to. The sensations of my breasts being squeezed out of the suit, my sore, swollen crotch squeezed out of the opening, the pressure of the suit, the hood, my arms aching, all seemed stronger in the darkness.
I tried to imagine what the final effect looked like. It must be filthy, grotesque, a perverted fetish slut. Sarah had said I was lovely. I tried to stop myself thinking it was a lie, thoughts like that would get me in trouble. To her it was beautiful, and that was what mattered: it was what she wanted, my values didn’t matter.
There were sounds, a clattering of plates, the sound of cooking, a spoon scraping against a pan, and mouth-watering smells. I felt ravenous, as if I hadn’t eaten for days. I was in no doubt that I was in the kitchen. I hadn’t been in here since the day I entered the apartment. I couldn’t remember anything about how it was laid out.
“Here, say ahhh. Open wide my pet.”
I did as she asked. I wasn’t sure whether she intended to put food in my mouth, or a gag.
It was food, specifically a strip of hot fried beef. I was so hungry it seemed delicious, though my empty stomach churned once I’d swallowed it. More followed; then some vegetables. She talked to me as she fed me, tiny piece by tiny piece, morsel by morsel, like a baby.
“In future, if you are very good I will let you share my food again. Lucas has tried to fatten you up a little, with some success I might add, but you need to build muscle too. So, from now on, unless you earn it you will drink protein shakes with bran. There will be lots of hard exercise for you. We have your health in mind you know? You’ve been so lazy, lying around doing nothing for weeks now. Don’t you think it’s time you did something about that?”
I said nothing; my mouth was filled with food. I thought I could eat and eat, but I found I filled up quickly. Apparently, Sarah didn’t expect an answer. I shouldn’t have minded if she had added more to my punishments for that. I imagined that the lattice of permanent scars she planned to build up on my bottom would be really arousing to her.
“Monica and the girls will be here soon. You’ll have a pussy licking competition with each one. I want you to win at least two out of three. If you can do that you can sleep with me in my bed and I will make it fun for you. Imagine what it would be like if Lucas decided to join in too? You can even have your slut clothes back. In fact, I’ll even buy you some new ones, just as slutty but more comfortable. Of course, if you don’t manage it then you’ll just have to stay in the bathroom, naked and chained up like a dog until you’ve worked off your punishment period. If you can’t manage even one win, obviously you will be punished quite severely. I don’t want to punish you but there’s simply no way around it if you fail. So, don’t focus on the punishment, just think about how much you love to lick pussy. Are you going to be a good slut and try very hard for me?”
“Yes Mistress. Your slut will try very hard. I can’t wait to get started.”
“That’s good. There might be some other games too. We really want to do everything possible to make you feel like one of us. Well… The lowest slut slave amongst us, but not alone. You really haven’t been much of a joiner so far, but even you are part of something bigger. Now tell me. How do you like your blindfold? Does it make you excited? How do you feel?”
“Oh, yes Mistress. I love it. I feel so helpless, so dependent, it’s glorious. It makes everything more intense and every moment I’m reminded how much I’m at your mercy.”
“Do you feel less inhibited in the dark? A slut like you isn’t really one to hold back, but still I can imagine how it might help you focus on serving, stop any naughty distractions from putting you off your work. How would you like to wear it while I punish you? Would you scream louder? Would you really be able to let go?”
“Mistress… Oh, yes please. The suspense would be even greater and it would feel so right, screaming for you in the dark.”
“Good answers slut.”
Then I heard her stand up and she grabbed me helping me up by my arm and the strap at my back. It seemed we were headed elsewhere. I felt sad that I would not get anything more to eat. I was still hungry, though my stomach was sore and upset from eating real food after so long without anything substantial.
“Follow,” Sarah said needlessly.
She half led, half dragged me to a room with carpet on the floor. I didn’t think it was a bedroom, it felt too big somehow. It had to be the main living area of the apartment. I had been allowed in here to suck Lucas’ cock on several occasions when he was in the mood for me to service him while he watched television or listened to records. There was a view through the big windows, but of course that was wasted on me.
“Kneel”
She helped me sink to my knees.
“Now wait here quietly until the others arrive. I have some other things to do. Don’t get into any mischief.” She seemed to be leaving and then I heard her stop and turn. She walked back to me. “I don’t want you to get bored though. Here, this should give you something to think about.”
A sharp pain bit into my engorged nipple as she clamped something onto it. I let out an involuntary shriek. There was a giggle from Sarah. A moment later another bolt of pain shot through the other breast as she snapped something onto the other nipple. I tried to suppress the cry, letting out an animal grunt. There was a small sound of amusement from Sarah. I heard her walk away and I was left with a nagging, nauseating pain that just kept on coming. I wondered if she was still there, watching me, or whether she had really gone. I decided it was best to assume she was watching, whether she was or not.
I don’t know what mischief I might have got into, bound as I was, but I suppose she was just trying to remind me how constrained and helpless I was. There was little need; once she left me alone, in the dark, with only my thoughts and sensations it was hard to feel anything else apart from the slowly fading pain in my nipples.
The lube had dried inside the suit, or at least lost its potency, and so the heavy rubber was stuck to my skin in many places, making movement painful. The tight enclosing grip of the rubber, especially on my head was not entirely unpleasant. The smell was stronger than I expected: chocolate with overtones of some bitter chemical. It made me sweat and where the sweat ran into my blindfolded eyes it made them sting and burn.
Sarah seemed to have a thing for rubber. Could I learn to love it and desire it too? I probably should. I would definitely try. I told myself that I had always loved rubber, always harboured a secret fetish for its strict, stretchy, enclosing grip. It was a lie, but I could believe it at some level.
I could feel my sweat running down the inside of the suit, pooling and eventually running out of the crotch and cuffs. It stung where it ran over my injured sex. I couldn’t imagine how it would feel to have someone sucking on there but I expected pain would be likely rather than pleasure. I would have to work very hard to believe it was pleasure. What is the difference? It’s all just something that happens in the brain isn’t it? Pain, pleasure: both creations of the mind. Could I choose which to feel?
I’d never been religious, never thought about seriously about my ancestors or the Buddha, but I began to wonder, was there something to help me there? If there was anyone who needed help from beyond the mortal realm it was me. It wasn’t easy keeping up the act, keeping the fake slut mood going. As long as I remained in the lie, continued to deceive myself, I was safe. Rather than dare to let myself feel bad about my situation I had to remind myself that this was what I wanted, a thrill, letting go, giving in, submitting, serving, suffering, all were joy, all my desire. Chapter Seventeen – Visitors
Time dragged, and if I hadn’t been sitting in such an uncomfortable position, with such sore breasts, with the suit restricting the blood to my legs, I would probably have fallen asleep. As it was, I was still half dozing and not properly awake when I heard the sound of the door buzzer. There was another noise as Sarah answered. People would be coming up soon.
After a few minutes there was a loud knocking at the door. When Sarah opened it there was a ruckus of high heels on tiles and multiple women’s voices, words in English, the sound of coats and things being removed and hung up. It sounded like a huge crowd of people. Soon they would come to find me and inflict new miseries. I would have to remember to enjoy it. If I showed the slightest sign that this wasn’t all the most wonderful fun I would suffer for it, I was sure.
I reminded myself that I had promised to survive, at any cost. No matter what state I was in at the end of it, life still equalled hope. Even if they ruined my body I would always have the power to forget them and what they’d done and become happy. If I could make myself enjoy this, enjoying freedom would be a thousand times easier.
I wondered if I could really make myself into what they wanted. Could I slip so deep into the dark hole they had dug for me that even if people came to set me free, I would beg them to leave me restrained in this tight enveloping bondage? Could I convince them that this was my choice and that seeming to give up that choice was the greatest pleasure in my life?
I’d read about a thing that happened to an American woman who was taken hostage by some cult or political group. After a while, she had started to relate to her captors as friends rather than enemies, to take on their views and ideas, to act as they desired and ultimately become a member of the group and help them commit a robbery. Was this the same kind of process? I couldn’t remember what happened to her but I was sure that in the end she had stopped being what they made her. If she could do it, so could I.
All my thoughts crashed off the rails as I was brought fully awake by the sound of several people clattering through the doorway and into the room on high heels.
“Oh, this is her? What have you done to her?” Said a voice that I couldn’t place. It seemed vaguely familiar. Its owner was speaking Cantonese with a distinctive accent.
“She’s been in training. Just a few days now. She still has to get the basics of pleasing a woman and the only thing she can do for a man is suck cock. She’s still such a novice.” Sarah spoke Cantonese too, perhaps for my benefit, perhaps for somebody else’s.
“But this outfit? What is it? Is this rubber? It must be expensive? Is it part of her training?” Came that voice again.
“Yes, it’s genuine rubber. Of course it isn’t cheap, but don’t be an airhead Monica darling. I just dressed her up pretty for your benefit. She doesn’t deserve nice clothes like this yet.”
“Blindfolded. I wonder what she feels like in there. It must be something strong. And you have pegs on her nipples. I know that hurts,” said the voice with a giggle at the end.
“Just to keep her amused while we were waiting. Put some more on, there’s a whole basket.”
“So there is.”
And then there was the horrid feeling of another peg being attached to my poor breast, which was already engorged with blood and quite tender due to the way it was squeezed out of the slightly too small hole in the suit. I bit my lip and let out a squeak. Then came another peg, making three on the same breast. I moaned. I couldn’t help it. I didn’t even have to think it through. More pegs were attached, seemingly at random to one breast or another. I could never tell where they would strike next.
Soon I was panting and gasping, trying to work through the pain, and even though it really was a lot of pain, there was pleasure in there too. There was pleasure and I wasn’t playing a part or faking or lying to myself. There was pleasure and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I had made myself dizzy with hyper-ventilating and bright spots were floating before my eyes. I struggled to calm myself but the corset wouldn’t let me take a deep breath. Instead of getting a grip on myself and taking slow, deep breaths in my upper chest I panicked, trying to breathe with my diaphragm, which would never work.
I was starting to feel really wobbly, the room whirled around me in the darkness and I tumbled sideways onto my face with a thud. Several pegs popped off all of a sudden, shooting new pains through me, but I didn’t care; I’d forgotten all about that. My nose ached. I was glad I had been kneeling and not standing. My breasts were agony, pegs dropping off or digging in all over. As my senses started working again I could hear the laughter of several girls.
“I think she came,” said the familiar voice.
Sarah laughed then said, “By the look of her lips I’d say she blacked out.” Somebody nudged me with a foot, probably her. “Come on slut, sit up or I’ll really make those filthy tits of yours sting.”
I struggled back into the kneeling position as quickly as I could, positioning my feet to keep my sore pussy off the carpet. Sarah reached to my head and there was a series of pops. Light suddenly flooded into my sore and tear filled eyes.
“Oh, such horrid eyes,” said the voice.
“Shut up Monica, that hood would do that to anyone. It’s made of cheap rubber and the sweat leeches the chemicals out of it so they burn the eyes. Come to think of it, you can wear it and see for yourself.”
“Sorry Mistress Sarah,” said the voice, and now I could see out of the corner of my eye, it was the Chinese girl that had collaborated in my humiliation at the party.
It was the girl that had helped me learn some filthy English baby-speak that was supposed to approximate what the cheap foreign whores would say to sell themselves on the street. I doubted they really said things like that. But we had made jokes back in Hong Kong about how the Vietnamese and Korean whores had done that. I wondered if every culture had the same story. I probably would have felt worse about doing it if we hadn’t had to run for our lives shortly afterwards.
I remembered that girl had a mean look about her and she had not liked me. She had seemed over eager to show that she was in charge. I understood why: she was part of Lucas’ horrible circle in some way and she had been afraid of being put in the position as me. She had earned some kind of punishment from Sarah, so she was clearly far beneath her, but she was still standing, wearing clothes, and had been able to travel here by herself.
I blinked repeatedly, clearing my eyes further and dared a little look around. I wasn’t sure if I was allowed to look. Sarah said nothing, so I took another look, this time long enough to see what was really going on. I had the impression that all the girls had been wearing coats on their journey here, but those were stowed in the hall somewhere. Monica was dressed in cheap, unflattering clothes, the sort of whore clothes I was all too familiar with. She had a bright pink tube top and a black vinyl mini-skirt that was really narrow.
Later I noticed how she would continually tug and twitch at it, pulling it down, trying to keep it stretched out so that her bum crack was mostly covered up but the bottom of her buttocks was still covered. It would continually ride up, exposing the bottom of her buttocks and exposing flashes of her naked, hairless pussy if she was careless enough to part her thighs for an instant. I knew exactly how she must feel because I had worn exactly the same kind of too-short skirt myself and done the same things.
Standing further back were two girls I also remembered from the party. They both had blank looks on their faces. I didn’t think they could follow what Sarah and Monica said in Cantonese.
They had been dressed in little more than straps at the party, and the same held true here. Both wore a kind of leather harness. Their nipples poked through metal circles that served as anchor points for the straps around their chests. There were collars around their necks and cuffs with metal d-rings on their wrists and ankles. There was no mistaking their station in life – slaves – if they were also whores they were not the conventional kind.
They seemed fearful and touched each other for reassurance a lot. I thought it must be nice to have someone to share the pain and fear with when it got bad, but then I thought about it again, and how that could be used against a person. I felt sorry for them at first, and then I remembered what I was and that if I was going to feel anything for them at all it should be pure and simple lust.
Monica and these two frightened girls would be my opponents in my battle to get out of the bathroom and into Sarah’s bed. It didn’t seem impossible that I might succeed. I wasn’t confident, but there was definitely a hope.
Chapter Eighteen – Girls’ Night InSarah turned towards Monica, ignoring me. It felt safe to watch.
“On your knees, you worthless whore. How dare you criticize my beautiful pet? I know her filthy little excuse for a pair of tits is a disappointment, but she can’t help that she has nothing. Her face, on the other hand is perfectly sweet. In any case, you need to remember to show some respect for your betters, that is if you ever knew any respect in the first place. You don’t have the right to judge my pet. Only I can do that. Johnno might go easy on you but I don’t have his forgiving nature. He is far too kind to you.”
“Sorry Mistress Sarah,” whispered Monica. She sank to her knees, spreading them wide. Her skirt rode up immediately, exposing her pussy to everyone in the room.
Sara strode over to me and started unbuckling my hood. It seemed she did not make idle promises. In a flash she had the hood on Monica instead of me. I couldn’t imagine what sort of mess my face looked with the hood removed. I felt naked and exposed without it. All the girls would see what a dirty mess I was. Even though it made my eyes burn I wished I could have it back.
The black rubber hood looked incongruous on Monica with her tube top, micro-mini-skirt and cheap vinyl shoes with their spaghetti straps. Her hair was long and black like mine and formed a kind of mane as it burst out of the top of the hood.
Sarah wasted no time in adding the blindfold to the outfit. It made a huge difference, stealing the humanity out of her face. Was that how I had looked? No wonder it had been easy to treat me as a thing, as a toy… It took an effort to imagine a person in there, despite the parted lips, the thick red lipstick smeared over her teeth in an ugly way.
“As you were acting so superior, you can begin with a little warm up. Lift your ass in the air Monica. Suki, come over here behind her. Sit down with your back to her then lift your ass too.”
Of course we did as she told us. Monica didn’t hesitate for a moment, and I couldn’t get over there quick enough. The next thing I knew, Sarah was smearing some sort of lube all over my sex, coating my insides with her fingers. Then she slid in a big double ended dildo. I’d never had anything so huge in me before. It was made of clear white jelly plastic. It probably felt soft to finger pressure, but to my damaged pussy it might as well have been steel. The other end was soon inside Monica. She let out a disgusting moan as Sarah slid it inside her. Had I made a sound like that? I couldn’t even remember, perhaps I had.
“You and Suki are sisters now Mona,” said Sarah. The abbreviation of the foreign name confused me at first, and my mind was elsewhere, but I figured it out in the end.
“This isn’t part of the competition, but whichever one of you cums first is still the loser and gets five strokes of the slave crop.” She gave a laugh. “Mona darling, you really will need a longer skirt to keep your ass covered if you can’t win this one. As for you Suki, if you lose, you’ll get yours straight on the tits seeing as your ass has some protection. Oh, and if neither of you come within the next fifteen minutes I’ll punish you both, so you better get to it.”
This certainly got me moving. Not that it did me any good. I quickly realised that I had no strength in my vaginal muscles and I couldn’t grip the dildo to make it pump into Monica. It seemed that in contrast she had a grip like iron down there. I was completely at her mercy. I had been prepared to compete in a licking contest but this was something unexpected and I had neither the physical nor mental capacity to win it.
While I could move back and forth to try and sabotage Monica’s motions, she would continually vary her rhythm to catch me out, and at least a third of the time I’d find myself assisting her in plunging the dildo deep inside me and rubbing my clit against her. While I could have tried to think about something horrid to prevent any arousal from this, I knew that would only get us both punished, and Monica was clearly the one that deserved to win this. Even if I didn’t cum, it would be better to fake it and let her win quickly. After all, if I wanted to keep my mind in the zone I had to convince myself that this was erotic. If it dragged on she might leave me really excited for the start of the main event, putting me at a disadvantage for a test that really counted.
I was in a dilemma. I knew I had to do my best to make this arousing in my mind and get myself excited but if I faked cumming to cut it short, then Sarah might be able to tell, and it would probably make her really angry. I decided my best bet was to try and get into it, and if possible let Monica give me a genuine orgasm, after which, providing I came properly and got a rest, I would be less likely to cum in the licking contests.
While I was thinking about all this, Monica was thrusting her bum back and forth with abandon, bumping it into mine, the long dildo shaft slippery with both our juices and getting harder for her to grip – though she still had hold of it most of the time. She had the benefit of her arms to hold her face off the floor, and was in a sort of doggy position. My arms were still locked behind my back, sore and cramping, but otherwise a useless encumbrance. I had to dig my shoulder into the carpet and turn my head sideways so I didn’t get carpet burns on my nose, though my cheek still felt as if it was getting rubbed raw.
The difference in positioning meant that the dildo had to flex as it went in and out of us, creating a reasonable amount of sensation. With the pressure from the corset and the heat building up inside the rubber suit I was quickly exhausted and reduced to making token motions, gently gyrating my hips in response to Monica’s powerful thrusts.
In my mind I built an image of Sarah watching us, finding us sexy and linking my own lust to Sarah’s. The hotter she got the more helplessly aroused I imagined myself becoming. My nipples were dragging on the carpet now and again, sending electric shocks through me. As long as I didn’t make them too sore they would really help me finish off. Despite the lack of good stimulation I was starting to get excited. I knew once I got that spiral started it would be easy to twist it higher.
“Ten minutes left,” said Sarah.
Had it only been five minutes? I would have sworn it was longer. Monica was smarter than I thought though. She must have played this game before because once she sensed that I was starting to get into it she changed her approach completely and moved to grinding herself hard against me, rubbing, twisting, and squirming like a demon. Even though she must be hurting from pushing so hard on the dildo – it was hurting me too, but I was wound up enough that it was indistinguishable from pleasure – she was putting pressure on my clit and all the sensitive areas around it. Even though that poor little nub had been abused lately and was swollen up like a big blister, it was no less sensitive.
At some point I must have become so aroused that I was pushing up against Monica of my own volition, trying to get myself that last little bit of stimulation on my clit. At the moment I realised that I’d completely given in to this, and I was squirming like the slut I was – so that I could cum in front of my mistress and two slave onlookers – I lost control completely and the sensation swallowed me up. I was floating somewhere, free of pain, desperate to make something happen … something.
And then I felt it coming. I moaned louder, then louder still. My body was starting to shake and my knees collapsed under me. The dildo shlupped out of me, leaving a cold empty feeling. Monica had turned me to jelly. I couldn’t even lift my face off the carpet. I was drooling as helplessly as if there was a ring gag in my mouth.
“I’m trying not to be disappointed in your effort Suki. I know you don’t have the strength or the experience for tests like this, but I thought you had the wit. It really didn’t seem like you even wanted to win. I guess you really were looking forward to me whipping your little tits?”
“Yes, yes, yes, yes, Mistress,” I panted, ending with a heavy, desperate sigh.
“You could at least have managed a draw.”
Before my orgasm could reach its peak, she rolled me over and abruptly struck me hard across the chest with a thin, leather covered cane. It was just a flick of her wrist but applied to my already sensitized breasts was like a flash of white heat through my entire body. It didn’t even feel like she’d struck me on the breasts specifically: the sensation was everywhere.
I opened my mouth, drawing breath to cry out and found my gasp limited by the unyielding leather corset. Then the next blow struck and I emptied my lungs anyway. The first blow had struck both breasts but missed the nipples but this caught the left breast right on the tip.
Three more blows fell in quick succession, and three more awful shrieks were dragged out of me. If I could have moved my arms to try and protect myself I would, even though it would have made Sarah insanely angry. I think I pulled a muscle in my shoulder, but with so many pains it was becoming hard to tell where one began or ended.
Afterwards I was shaking from both the orgasm and the beating. I wasn’t quite sure if what I was feeling was pain at all. No, the pain would come later, this was something else and it was so powerful, so strong.
I tried to deny the awful thought in my head that this was the second most memorable experience in my entire wasted useless life, with the most memorable being Lucas’ punishment. If this wasn’t pleasure it was something beyond pleasure. I knew it was wrong not to hate it. I felt dirty and ashamed that I was the sort of person to feel this sort of thing, to want it, to bring it upon myself and find pleasure in it. I wasn’t just a slut, I was a masochist.
If the horror ended immediately, would I feel empty afterwards? Had the overwhelming sensation burned a hole in me that could never be plugged? No. Anything that could be learned could be unlearned. I would gladly beg for this intense sensation again but if I should ever be free, even if I chose to keep feeling things like this, it would be my choice; it would not be done to me without consent; I could always choose to not feel it. I had no such choice: it had been done to me and I was helpless to stop it. It would be done again no doubt. It was pointless for me to trouble myself over it.
“Thank… Thank you Mistress,” I wheezed.
“Good slut Suki,” Sarah said, leaning down to gently stroke my cheek.
Monica had slumped on her face, panting for breath, the dildo still hanging out of her, glistening with lube and our co-mingled juices. She seemed oblivious to what had happened, but with her eyes lost behind the blindfold she was just a thing. The two girls in their leather straps were hugging each other and weeping. I wondered if they had seen a display like this before. They seemed afraid, so they had probably seen much worse.
“Alright, let’s get this little challenge started. Johnno’s girls versus my pet, lips and tongues only, no hands. If you break the rules I will break your fingers. Johnno has a slab of beer riding on this so you better not disappoint him.”
The two frightened girls gave Sarah a blank look. Then she repeated it for them in English slowly, using short words. I guess their language skills were only a bit better than mine.
I managed to win against one of the girls. The most nervous of the pair was too frightened to do much at all, and determined as I was I wore her down. Monica defeated me, less easily than I expected, but the long struggle left me worn out.
It all rested on the final contest. This girl would be no push over: she was afraid of her master, but not so afraid that she couldn’t concentrate. I was far too exhausted to really have a chance. Perhaps if I’d had more strength I might have managed to drag it out, but without using her arms she body checked me and got her lips onto my nipples. I hadn’t thought of doing something like that. From there it was all down-hill for me. By the end I was barely trying to resist and though I didn’t cum Sarah gave her the win anyway, claiming I had surrendered.
“Well, Suki has lost to the three of you. Not entirely a surprise. If she had really loved me she would have tried harder, but she is a fickle girl. I blame myself. I’ll think I’ll go and take the news to Johnno along with his slab before I start to become angry. I’m sorry Suki slut but you are going to be chained up naked on the bathroom tiles a week for every contest you lost. That’s three weeks in chains. I’m really sorry. I wish you had tried harder. I don’t want to do this but you know I have to.”
I didn’t know what to say. I’d only lost two contests. Or was she counting the first one? But that wasn’t part of the test and I’d already been punished for that. It wasn’t fair. It just wasn’t fair. Chapter Nineteen – Faceless Enemies
Without explaining further, Sarah walked out of the room, and then there was a solid clunk as the front door locked behind her. She had gone. We were alone. I had no idea what to do or what we were allowed to do or not do. Monica was still in the hood. I leaned over and had a look at it. It locked at the back with a padlock: she would have to keep wearing it. She could easily have removed the blindfold but she didn’t.
“Mistress Sarah?” Monica whispered after a long silence.
“She’s gone,” I said. I guess it would be ok to talk a little. Sarah hadn’t told us we couldn’t.
“I’m sorry,” Monica said. “I was too afraid to take the crop. I’m terrified of pain.”
“Aren’t we all?”
“I heard your screams. I … I know it hurt you a lot. With that suit, with your boobs like that… It had to hurt so much. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry but I’m just phobic about it. Just the thought makes me curl up and want to die.”
“Does it? You want to die? Well I don’t. I want to live. So should you.”
“I’m sorry. It feels like I stopped being rational years ago. It’s a nightmare for me. I just want it to end somehow.”
“I’m sorry. I’ve only been in this situation a few weeks. I don’t know how you feel. I’d probably feel the same, but I am going to try and hold on to a dream of life. Life is the only thing I can hope for. I know my body and mind will be ruined, but even so, if I live, happiness could be possible,” I said. “Sorry, that sounds so stupid when I say it out loud.”
“No. That’s a good idea,” answered Monica. “I thought you would be meaner. At the party, you looked mean. You looked so angry at me. I didn’t want to make you say those things. I knew, and you knew. I thought you understood? I had to do it right, put you down, act cruel. I have to stay in charge. If Johnno put those two over me I’m terrified of what they’d do.”
“I don’t mind what you did. It doesn’t matter at all. Those two don’t look so bad though.”
“Johnno has made me hurt them a lot. They would take revenge. He does it that way to keep me eager. I’m not strong enough to handle the fear. You already know I’m not very brave.”
“Neither are they, but they have to handle it, don’t they? I guess they aren’t doing so well at that though. Anyway, how come you speak such funny Cantonese?”
“Funny? I sound funny to you? Well I’m from London. I grew up there. At least I can speak English… Sorry. I didn’t mean that.”
“No. You’re right. I was stupid for not learning English. Everyone in my family speaks it better than me. If I could understand English, at least when Mistress called me a useless piece of sewage it wouldn’t be so bad to hear it in a foreign tongue.”
“You’re really in love with her? I thought you were Lucas’ girl?”
“Love? Is that the word? She’s my goddess. I can’t help but love the hand that feeds me, the heart that decides if I suffer joy or pain, the body that comforts me when I am alone. Master Lucas got bored of me. At least Mistress Sarah is interested for now and sometimes she can be kind. She likes to hurt me quite a lot too, but it feels like that is my fault. I suppose you know better than I?”
“It’s like that for me too. I have to love Johnno. I have to be his best girl. I heard that you chose this, but I got into it by accident. I was on holiday. I thought I knew it all. I went to all the seedy places, showing off and having the best time, spending my father’s money on drink and drugs, sex with a different guy every night. Then Johnno spotted me. Somehow he knew everything about me, who my family are, stuff like that. At first he romanced me, then he started to drop hints about my family. In the end…”
She stopped, the silence hung thick and heavy. I wriggled around trying to get some life into my arms. She rolled over onto her back, her blank face staring up at the ceiling. It was funny how I could speak so easily to this inhuman face, this eyeless non-person. I felt I could tell her anything, though I wouldn’t, that would be stupid.
“In the end?” I asked eventually.
“Sorry. Oh. I mean in the end he turned out to be a villain. He woke up early and stole my passport and all my money from my hotel room. He said some burglar must have broken in and done it, but I know it had to be him. He offered to put me up at his place. I said I would go home to England. That was when he showed his true colours. He told me that if I left him then my family’s house would burn down and they would not be able to escape the fire because the doors and windows would be screwed shut. You know what he means? He has contacts in London. It could happen.”
“Of course.”
“So, I never wanted any of this. I was just having fun on a holiday, but now I’m illegal. I have overstayed my visa. I would be in big trouble if the authorities got me. At best they would send me home in disgrace. Probably though, I would go to prison for prostitution, then after my sentence was done then I would be sent home as a criminal.”
“Prostitution?”
“Yes. You are cruel to make me say it. You know that I’m a whore. Johnno made me his whore. I get fucked but he keeps the money. Back at the start, when he brought me in, it was Mira and me. She was an Australian woman but she was nice. She’s gone now, she got arrested. Possession of drugs with intent to supply. She will be an old lady when she gets out I think. That’s probably what will happen to me, unless…”
She seemed unwilling to continue again. Another silence settled on the room.
One of the other girls said something in English. Monica answered her in a firm tone.
“What did she say?” I asked.
“She asked what we were talking about. I told her it was none of her business.”
“So you were saying, unless?”
“I was thinking that Johnno probably let the police get Mia to make her an example for me. But the ‘Unless’… I meant that unless Johnno gets a new girl to put over me, or promotes one of those two, or both of them. In which case, I might throw myself off the bridge. He said he would hurt my family if I did anything like that, but I don’t really believe he’d bother. What is the point? Even he wouldn’t waste a favour abroad for something so useless. He could just tell the other girls he did it to keep them scared and leave it at that.”
“Don’t throw yourself off the bridge. No matter what happens you have to keep going. Even if you go to prison, one day you will get out. Even if you don’t, even if you die there, it cannot be worse than this.”
“I don’t understand. I thought you were into this stuff. That’s what I was told. That’s not true is it?”
“No. But if I don’t go along with that story I will be punished, so I’m trusting you with this. The truth is that I was kidnapped and tortured. They keep me on a chain in a locked room. There’s no point though. I’m too afraid to run. I’m so afraid of them. I know now that you can understand how afraid I am. Like you say, it’s a kind of phobia. I don’t think I would dare go outside on my own now even if they let me. The idea of deciding for myself frightens me. I’m helpless without somebody to tell me what to do. Still, they are gods and I am just their toy. I shouldn’t complain. I just need to work harder to please them more. If I am punished it’s my fault.”
“No. They are monsters and they hurt us so they can make money and feel powerful.”
I felt a wave of fear crash over me.
“You shouldn’t disrespect them like that. Besides, it’s still my fault I’m in this situation because I was stupid. They are on top because they are smarter, stronger and braver. Maybe it’s different for you, you’re smart and pretty. This is all I’m good for.”
“What have they done to you? What have they done to make you say things like that? You are a human being. You seem like a kind person. You know when they hurt us they think it’s fun? They are monsters. You aren’t. You’re better than them. The things Johnno has done to those poor Koreans. I don’t want to say, it’s burned into my mind. When I see it in my nightmares, sometimes he’s doing it to me instead. In the worst ones I’m enjoying doing it to them and it’s not an act any longer. That’s what I fear the most. It’s not our fault. It’s not that we’re dirty girls. It’s not that we’re sluts. Even if we were we shouldn’t be punished with this. It was just bad luck that bad people found us.”
“Monica! Please. Don’t say such things. You must not say them. I thought you were afraid of pain.”
“You…”
“Shut up! If you don’t shut up I will bite your nipple off. Shut up you stupid slut. It’s one thing to be unhappy, another to criticize a master.”
I realised I was weeping. Huge sobs wracking my chest. I wriggled closer and nuzzled up against Monica. She didn’t say anything. Her body was shaking. I wondered if she was angry.
After a while I heard her sob too. In the end I broke the awkward silence with a whisper.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I panicked. You understand don’t you? They’ve broken me, but they’re not done breaking me yet. Remember this because when they’re done I’ll tell you that everything about not wanting this was a lie and that I always longed to be a slave and a pain-slut from the very beginning. I’ll tell you that, and it will be convincing because I will believe it is true. I will laugh at the idea of any other possibility. I know this because it is my goal to be that way. It’s what I want.”
“I don’t understand you. Why would you wish for that?”
“There’s no other way to live like this. It’s the only way to survive them. I’m not sure there is a way, but if there is a way, it’s the only one. If Johnno got bored of you, he wouldn’t just let you go home, would he? No. He’d push you off the bridge you spoke of, or give you enough drugs to kill you, or something worse. He would never let you go. Don’t you think? Your friend Mira, maybe she was lucky to get prison.”
“You have an odd way of getting at the truth. Is your name really Suki?”
“You think parents in Hong Kong call their girls that? You know the answer. I’m Suki now. There’s no other name for me. I like it. It could have been Pig, or Cunt, or Toilet or something else horrible. Perhaps next week it will be. This week it’s Suki. It’s cute. Foreign sounding. Exotic. Is your name really Monica?”
“No. It’s not. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked that. It was stupid. I just wanted to know something about you from before.”
“There is no before.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be cruel.”
“I’m sorry too. I know you didn’t mean to trouble me... So what about them?” I looked over towards the other girls then remembered that Monica could not see where I was looking. “So what about the other girls? You said they were Korean.”
“Keiko and Noriko? They sound like they are Japanese don’t they? Their story is a sad one. They were born in Japan but their parents are Koreans who went there after the war. The Japanese government are cruel and won’t give any Koreans citizenship, even if they are born there. So when they got old enough they came here to find men to marry or if that failed to go on to Korea and find family members there.”
“So that didn’t happen?”
“No. They ran into Johnno on the way. You can guess the rest. He’s only had them a few months. He makes me boss them around and punish them most of the time.”
“It sounds sad. Could they really marry here?”
“There are a few Koreans and Vietnamese in this country who are citizens and are decent guys. I suppose they might like to marry a nice young girl. Anything is possible, yes? Those two aren’t nice young girls though. Not since Johnno got to them. Now they are drug addicted whores covered in scars and burns. He pimps them out to sickos and sadists who treat them badly. Just as often he has me do horrid things to them. I daren’t refuse him or he would to it to me, but doubled. I have to pretend that I enjoy doing it.”
“I know. It would be pointless to resist. He would hurt them anyway, and you. Nobody would win.”
“You really understand why I have to do it?”
“I think so. I feel sorry for you a little because you are ready to give up and die. I never thought that when I first saw you. I thought you were tough, a fighter who gets what she wants... Within the limits of what can be had anyway. Appearances can be false.”
“So true. Johnno was so false to me.”
I didn’t have the heart to tell her about how Master Lucas duped me.
“So who is Johnno? Did I see him?”
“You should remember him. He fucked you while the other guy had your mouth. He was the mean looking one that treated you rough. He’s from Taiwan but that doesn’t mean one thing or another. He’s legal here somehow and lived here for years, but he’s still a mean guy. He does everything that is bad. He has killed men with his knives, runs a gambling book, collects debts, sells drugs, and he pimps us out. He wants to join the weird club that Lucas and Sarah are into. They call it the Association. They are always hinting how powerful it is and how much influence it gives them. He wants that.”
I shivered again at her casual use of my owners’ names but I held my tongue.
“He sells drugs. You mentioned that before, the other girls… He made them addicts or something to control them?”
“Not so much. At first he used the threat of the police to control them because they are illegals, but now I have to keep them in line with fear and punishment. The drugs, I guess they are a reward and a way to stop them running. He didn’t make them do it, but he made it easy for them. I don’t use the drugs so much. I want them but he doesn’t let me have them much. He lets them have them a lot, and they use that stuff like a crutch to get through the… You know the stuff we have to get through… If he’s busy he just leaves them on the street with no protection but me. They have a tough time.”
“I don’t like being chained in isolation in the dark, but maybe I have it easy compared to them.”
“You won’t tell them I said any of this, will you? If they knew I was so weak they’d eat me alive.”
“I won’t. Though I doubt I could even if I wanted to. Right now they have you looking out for them. Who knows, maybe you can save them somehow, someday. If you won’t stay alive for yourself, do it for them.”
“I never expected you to be like this,” Monica said.
“Neither did I, but here we are, both at the mercy of gods. I hope we can be friends, but if you have to hurt me I won’t hold it against you at all. Mistress Sarah said I am the lowest, so you are probably in your rights to have me punished if you like. After the things I’ve said you probably should.”
“And if that is reversed and they make you hurt me, you won’t hold back either?”
“Of course not, I will do my best to make you suffer if Mistress Sarah wishes it. I am serious. I won’t hold back. I love to do her bidding.”
“Scary. You know that I am going to be your English teacher?”
“No. I didn’t know that. That’s good. I want to learn. Please teach me well.”
“You shouldn’t be so eager for it to start. I have a feeling that it will involve a lot of cruel punishments. I also have to help teach you sex tricks. Johnno says that Lucas and Sarah are obsessed with sex tricks and he wants to show that he can train girls so he can get into their club. He says he taught us, but Mira showed me how, and I showed Keiko and Noriko. He just scared us into practicing hard.”
“I am eager to lean in either case. I hope you will be a very stern teacher and make me apply myself. Actually, I hope you will punish me as firmly as Mistress Sarah would. If I have to spend a lot of time licking your pussy that would be good too.”
“You’re not really a lesbian though are you? Why would you say something like that?”
“I don’t really have a choice. It’s what I’m supposed to be,” I said.
“I’m not that fond of girls myself, but you get used to doing it. I think maybe you are already better at faking it than I am.”
“But you won the competition.”
“I was too afraid to lose. When it was my turn I guessed you were exhausted and practically unable to move. I knew she would be punished if she lost the contest, so I told Noriko how to beat you,” she said.
“I understand you had to look out for her. You were a good friend. Besides, I deserved to lose.”
“We are in a hard place.”
“But this carpet is warm and soft compared to the bathroom tiles. I think I’m falling asleep.”
“I’m too hungry to sleep,” Monica said.
I laughed. I don’t know if she understood why. In the end we were so much alike. I was really thirsty myself, but I fell asleep anyway.
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03.02.13
story continues in Betrayal Chapter 5: Problem Of Perception
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